Neutral Elder Care Oversight: When Family Involvement Becomes Complicated

Family involvement is often praised as the key to quality elder care. Yet without structure, it can create friction. One sibling monitors closely, another questions every decision, and a third avoids the conversation entirely. Each believes they act in the parent’s best interest. Neutral elder care oversight prevents care discussions from becoming negotiations shaped by history rather than current needs.

Why Neutral Oversight Matters in High-Stakes Care

Neutral oversight does not mean indifference. It means independence and credibility. A neutral presence:

• Has no stake in family hierarchy
• Avoids influence from inheritance or past conflicts
• Evaluates care on merit alone

By providing impartial recommendations, families trust decisions even when compromise is required. Neutrality reduces defensiveness and allows conversations to progress without forcing agreement on every point.

Protecting Parents From Family Tension

Disagreements among siblings can unintentionally burden aging parents. Parents may minimize needs or resist support to maintain family harmony. Neutral elder care oversight absorbs tension, allowing differences to be addressed privately and thoughtfully. Dignity is preserved not only through excellent care, but also by shielding parents from unnecessary emotional strain.

When Legal Authority Isn’t Enough

Legal documents, such as powers of attorney or healthcare proxies, establish authority, but they don’t guarantee trust. Families often struggle to accept decisions affecting autonomy, finances, or living arrangements. Neutral oversight translates authority into legitimacy, grounding decisions in experience, observation, and rationale. Families shift focus from who decides to why this decision makes sense, diffusing resistance and maintaining confidence.

If you’re unsure how to manage complex family dynamics, or want guidance on balancing authority, trust, and communication, ElderMaze offers private consultations to help families plan with clarity and confidence.
Learn more at www.eldermaze.com or call (412) 486-6677.

Bridging Distance and Differing Perspectives

Families are often separated by geography. Those nearby see daily realities, while those farther away rely on snapshots. Neutral oversight bridges this divide, providing consistent, contextualized information. It reduces the need for constant sibling coordination, allowing care to proceed quietly and professionally.

Oversight as Stewardship, Not Control

Stewardship is not about management or intrusion. It does not replace parental voice or escalate unnecessarily. Instead, it observes, interprets, and advises, ensuring transitions and care plans unfold with continuity and intention. Neutral elder care oversight protects outcomes without diminishing autonomy.

Neutral Elder Care Oversight: Why Families Turn to ElderMaze

Families choose ElderMaze not for arbitration, but for steadiness. They want:

• Decisions guided by judgment, not emotion
• Holistic evaluation of care, not episodic updates
• A trusted neutral presence when internal consensus is difficult

ElderMaze offers discreet oversight, providing context, perspective, and guidance while honoring family authority and parental autonomy.

When Neutrality Creates Confidence

Neutral oversight allows families to move forward knowing that care decisions are grounded, dignified, and defensible, even without full agreement on every emotional detail. For families managing elder care amid complex dynamics, ElderMaze provides calm, credible support, keeping care focused on what matters most.

For families navigating complex elder care situations, ElderMaze delivers expert neutral oversight that preserves relationships, protects parents, and ensures confidence in every decision. Contact us today for a confidential consultation:
www.eldermaze.com | (412) 486-6677 | info@eldermaze.com

The post Neutral Elder Care Oversight: Expert Guide for Complex Families appeared first on Elder Maze Solutions.

When Adult Children Disagree, Consensus Isn’t Required

Families are often advised to “get everyone on the same page.” In complex care situations, this expectation is unrealistic and can actually delay action. Siblings may have different relationships with the parent, live in different locations, or vary in their risk tolerance. Waiting for unanimity can escalate stress and quiet frustration. Effective decision-making does not require full agreement, it requires legitimacy and structure.

Legal Authority vs Emotional Acceptance When Adult Children Disagree

Legally, authority is often clear, a healthcare proxy, power of attorney, or court-appointed guardian. However, legal authority does not automatically bring trust. A sibling may have the right to decide, but not the support of others. Another sibling may wield influence without formal authority. Decisions made without shared understanding can create tension rather than resolution.

Why Disagreements Escalate Under Pressure

Care decisions usually arise during crises: a hospitalization, a fall, or sudden cognitive decline. Under stress, familiar family roles reemerge: the protector becomes directive, the skeptic oppositional, and the peacemaker withdraws. These patterns are natural, not intentional. Without structure, urgency amplifies old dynamics. Families who navigate disagreements well slow the process enough to reintroduce clarity.

Protecting Parents When Adult Children Disagree

One of the hidden costs when adult children disagree is the effect on the parent. Parents may feel compelled to justify themselves repeatedly or downplay their needs. Sometimes, they absorb the role of decision-maker to mediate conflicts. Protecting parents includes shielding them from becoming the last-resort arbitrator in a divided family.

The Role of a Neutral Decision Framework

A neutral decision framework can transform disagreement into structured action. When adult children disagree, this approach:

• Grounds choices in observable needs, not competing narratives
• Separates authority from personality
• Allows disagreement without derailing the process

It can include defined decision thresholds, documented criteria, and a clear escalation process. Decisions made within an agreed framework feel less personal, even when siblings differ.

If you’re unsure how to approach these conversations, or want guidance on timing, language, and boundaries, ElderMaze offers private consultations to help families plan with clarity and confidence.
Learn more at www.eldermaze.com or call (412) 486-6677.

How Neutral Oversight Creates Legitimacy

Affluent families rely on advisors to protect assets. Elder care deserves the same discernment. Neutral oversight does not override family authority; it reinforces it. It:

• Translates clinical and situational realities into clear options
• Reduces perceptions of bias
• Allows siblings to disagree without undermining outcomes

Neutrality provides stability, not distance.

Why Families Turn to ElderMaze

Families choose ElderMaze not to arbitrate, but to gain clarity. Our guidance helps families:

• Exercise authority with legitimacy
• Preserve sibling relationships
• Make informed decisions without conflict

ElderMaze provides discreet, neutral oversight, establishes decision pathways, contextualizes options, and guides families forward when agreement is difficult.

When the Right Call Is Made the Right Way

The lasting measure is not which sibling “wins,” but whether the process feels fair. Handled poorly, disagreements leave fractures. Handled well, they build quiet confidence, even amid differences. ElderMaze helps families navigate adult-child disagreements so the call that must be made is made with clarity, dignity, and trust.

For families facing disagreement among adult children, securing neutral guidance is critical. Contact ElderMaze today to schedule a comprehensive consultation. Protect relationships, ensure informed decisions, and navigate care challenges with confidence.

www.eldermaze.com Phone: (412) 486-6677 Email: info@eldermaze.com

The post Who Makes the Call When Adult Children Disagree appeared first on Elder Maze Solutions.

Yet experience suggests a quieter truth. Even at the highest levels, care can falter. Not through neglect or malice, but through subtle misalignment between promises and practice, between appearance and continuity, between service delivery and genuine understanding.

Discerning families eventually realize that vigilance does not end when a contract is signed. In many ways, it begins there.

Why Red Flags In Senior Care Are Harder to See When Care Looks Polished

Premium senior care rarely presents obvious problems. Staff are courteous. Facilities are immaculate. Communication sounds professional. On the surface, everything appears in order. This polish can make red flags harder to recognize. Concerns feel uncomfortable to raise because nothing seems “wrong enough.” Families second-guess their instincts, assuming that discomfort is simply part of adjustment or transition. But in elder care, what is overlooked compounds quietly. The most consequential issues are often not dramatic failures, but small signals that something essential is missing.

If you are unsure how to start this conversation, or want guidance on timing, language, and boundaries, ElderMaze offers private consultations to help families plan these discussions with clarity and confidence.
Learn more at www.eldermaze.com
or call (412) 486-6677.

When Communication Feels Smooth but Lacks Substance

One of the earliest red flags appears in how information is shared. Premium care settings often communicate frequently, yet say very little of consequence. Updates may feel reassuring without being specific. Questions are answered politely but vaguely. Families sense activity without clarity. True quality care invites informed participation. When communication feels consistently one-directional or carefully filtered, families should pause. Transparency is not disruptive. It is foundational.

Care Plans That Exist on Paper, Not in Practice

Another common concern emerges around care plans. In premium environments, plans are thorough, well-written, and professionally presented. Yet families may notice that day-to-day decisions do not always reflect those plans. Preferences are forgotten. Nuances are missed. Adjustments lag behind changes in condition. This gap is not always intentional. It often reflects systems that prioritize efficiency over individual continuity. For families who value dignity and personalization, this disconnect is a meaningful signal.

Staff Consistency Matters More Than Credentials

High-end care frequently emphasizes credentials, training, and staffing ratios. These matter. But continuity matters just as much. When caregivers rotate constantly, relationships never fully form. Subtle changes go unnoticed. Trust remains transactional rather than relational. Families may feel uneasy without being able to articulate why. The issue is not competence. It is familiarity. Consistent presence allows care to be responsive rather than procedural.

When Families Are Managed Instead of Included

Some premium care environments handle family involvement carefully, sometimes too carefully. Meetings are structured. Feedback is acknowledged. Decisions appear already made. Families may feel informed but not integrated.A red flag emerges when families sense that their insight is treated as interference rather than contribution. The best care environments recognize that families hold irreplaceable knowledge. Excluding that knowledge, even politely, diminishes care quality over time.

The Risk of Assuming “Someone Else Is Watching”

Premium care can create a false sense of security. Families assume that because professionals are involved, oversight is comprehensive.

In reality, responsibility can diffuse. Each professional does their part, but no one holds the full picture. Medical, emotional, and practical concerns exist in parallel rather than in concert.

This is where subtle issues persist unchecked. Not because anyone failed, but because no one was positioned to connect the dots.

How ElderMaze Helps Families See Clearly

ElderMaze works with families who understand that discernment is not distrust. It is care, practiced responsibly. Our role is to help families interpret what they are seeing, hearing, and sensing, especially when concerns feel difficult to name. We provide perspective that goes beyond surface impressions, helping families evaluate whether care is truly aligned with their parents’ needs and values.

ElderMaze does not assume that premium care is inadequate. We assume that all care benefits from thoughtful oversight.

Paying Attention Without Becoming Adversarial

Recognizing red flags does not mean approaching care with suspicion. It means staying engaged with clarity. Discerning families learn to ask better questions, notice patterns rather than incidents, and trust their instincts when something feels misaligned. With the right guidance, oversight becomes collaborative rather than confrontational. Care improves not because of conflict, but because of attention.

When Awareness Becomes an Act of Stewardship

Noticing red flags in senior care, especially at the premium level, can feel unsettling. It challenges the belief that investment alone guarantees peace of mind. Yet awareness is not a failure of trust. It is an expression of responsibility.

For families navigating high-end senior care and seeking reassurance that what looks good truly is good, ElderMaze offers clarity, discretion, and a grounded perspective, so confidence is earned, not assumed.

www.eldermaze.com
(412) 486-6677
info@eldermaze.com

The post Critical Warning: Red Flags in Premium Senior Care For Families appeared first on Elder Maze Solutions.

The effects do not always appear immediately. Over time, families notice when plans no longer function as intended.

Why Elder Care Is Never Isolated From Estate Outcomes

Trusts and inheritance plans assume stability in capacity, authority, and decision-making roles. Elder care can disrupt those assumptions:

• Changes in cognitive ability affect control.
• Care transitions introduce new expenses and liquidity demands.
• Well-meaning interventions can bypass governance structures entirely.

These actions are not mistakes; they are logical responses to real needs. The risk arises when families make decisions without seeing how they interact with legal and financial frameworks.

Elder care is not separate from estate planning. It acts as one of estate planning’s most active stress tests.

Elder Care Decisions: How Trust Structures Change

Trusts contain specific triggers, permissions, and limits. Elder care decisions can unintentionally activate or undermine them:

• Families make payments outside designated structures.
• They liquidate assets for convenience rather than strategy.
• Trustees lose influence when urgency overrides process.

Over time, families’ choices can weaken protections, blur fiduciary responsibility, and spark disputes among beneficiaries who were not intended to question outcomes.

The issue is not intent. It is lack of coordination.

Asset Protection Erodes Through Small Decisions

Asset erosion rarely comes from a single large event. It occurs through accumulation.

• Families select care providers without modeling long-term costs.
• They often misunderstand or misapply insurance benefits.
• They address tax implications of care-related spending after the fact.

Each decision makes sense in isolation. Together, they can materially alter the estate’s balance and reduce what ultimately transfers to the next generation.

When elder care lacks oversight, asset protection becomes reactive instead of deliberate.

Inheritance Outcomes Shift Without Conversation

Families often assume inheritance changes only when documents are amended. In reality, outcomes shift through behavior long before paperwork follows.

• Informal decision-making concentrates influence.
• Family dynamics change under stress.
• Perceptions of fairness evolve as roles blur.

What beneficiaries experience later as inequity often began as unstructured care decisions made under pressure. Without a framework, transparency disappears, and trust erodes alongside assets.

Coordination Preserves Intent, Not Just Assets

Strategic elder care oversight ensures that daily decisions reinforce long-term objectives.

• Care expenses align with trust design.
• Authority transitions are intentional and documented.
• Professionals operate within defined roles rather than parallel tracks.

Coordination protects more than money. It protects clarity, relationships, and the integrity of intent.

Whereas this is not about controlling outcomes, it is about ensuring outcomes reflect what was planned.

How ElderMaze Helps Families Maintain Alignment

ElderMaze works with families to ensure elder care decisions do not quietly undermine trusts, assets, or inheritance goals.

• We provide oversight that connects medical realities to financial and legal structures.
• We help families interpret care developments through the lens of governance and legacy.
• We support decision-making that is timely, informed, and aligned.

Our role is not to replace advisors, but to ensure their work functions cohesively in real life.

Elder Care Decisions: Protecting What Was Designed to Last

Families create trusts and estate plans to endure complexity. Elder care introduces another kind of complexity that evolves daily and requires integration.

When families make care decisions without structure, those choices can quietly reshape outcomes. When they coordinate decisions, they preserve intent even under pressure.

For families seeking continuity rather than correction, elder care oversight is not optional. It is foundational.

www.eldermaze.com
(412) 486-6677
info@eldermaze.com

The post Secure Your Legacy: Elder Care Decisions and Estate Risks appeared first on Elder Maze Solutions.

A medical appointment ends with unanswered questions. Financial paperwork is set aside because it feels intrusive. Care decisions linger because no one is certain who should speak, or how far their authority extends.

Over time, hesitation becomes its own form of decision. And eventually, circumstances force clarity where families once relied on assumption.

Surrogate decision making emerges not because families seek control, but because responsibility can no longer be avoided.

What Surrogate Decision Making Really Means

At its core, surrogate decision making in elder care occurs when an individual can no longer fully understand, evaluate, or communicate informed choices about their own care. Another person steps in, not to replace the individual’s will, but to represent it. This distinction matters.

The role is not about imposing preferences or making expedient choices. It is about interpreting values, honoring previously expressed wishes, and acting in alignment with what the person would choose if they were able.

Surrogate decision making does not replace a person’s will; it carries that will forward when they can no longer speak for themselves.

Authority Without Clarity Creates Conflict

Many families assume that being a spouse, child, or close relative automatically confers decision-making authority. In reality, authority depends on legal, medical, and contextual factors that are often misunderstood until a crisis occurs.

Without clarity:

• Medical providers may be uncertain who can consent
• Financial institutions may refuse to recognize verbal agreements
• Family members may disagree about priorities or interpretation of wishes

These conflicts rarely arise from malice. They arise from ambiguity.

When decision-making frameworks are defined early, responsibility becomes clear, conflict diminishes, and families are better prepared for moments that carry weight.

The Emotional Weight of Deciding for Someone Else

Making decisions on behalf of another adult carries a unique psychological burden. Even when guided by love and good intent, uncertainty persists.

• Was this the right choice?
• Would they have agreed?
• Am I acting out of care, or fear?

These questions do not disappear with authority. They intensify.

Surrogate decision making requires emotional steadiness, ethical grounding, and the ability to tolerate uncertainty without paralysis. What ultimately steadies surrogate decision making is not certainty of outcome, but confidence that the process itself was deliberate, informed, and humane.

Balancing Best Interest With Known Values

When wishes are documented, decision making is clearer, but not always simple. When they are not, families must weigh best interest against inferred values.

Best interest considers safety, comfort, and medical necessity.
Values reflect beliefs about independence, quality of life, and dignity.

Conflict arises when these considerations diverge.

ElderMaze guides families through this balancing act, helping them avoid defaulting to extremes, either rigid risk avoidance or idealized independence, when neither truly reflects the individual’s lived priorities.

Surrogate Decision Making in Elder Care: Managing Conflicts with Care

Surrogate decision making becomes especially difficult when multiple voices are involved. Siblings interpret history differently. Medical urgency collides with emotional readiness. Past dynamics resurface under pressure.

In these moments, the issue is rarely just the decision itself. It is about trust, legitimacy, and fear of irreversible outcomes.

ElderMaze helps families re-center the conversation on process rather than control, ensuring that decisions remain anchored to purpose rather than personality.

Planning Before Decisions Are Forced

The most effective surrogate decision making begins long before it is required.

• Advance conversations.
• Documented preferences.
• Clear designation of roles.

These steps do not accelerate decline. They preserve dignity by ensuring that future decisions reflect intention rather than assumption.

ElderMaze encourages families to approach planning as an act of respect, not pessimism, one that protects relationships by reducing uncertainty when emotions are already stretched thin.

Surrogate decision making in elder care. Guidance Beyond Legal Forms

While legal instruments are essential, they are not sufficient. Decision making is rarely a single moment; it is an evolving responsibility shaped by changing health, context, and capacity.

Families often need help interpreting situations, not just documents.

ElderMaze provides that interpretive support, helping families understand when surrogate decision making begins, how it evolves, and how to carry it responsibly without losing connection to the person at its center.

When and How to Make Surrogate Decisions in Elder Care

Surrogate decision making is one of the most profound responsibilities families assume. Done thoughtfully, it preserves dignity, continuity, and trust even in the presence of loss.

The goal is not certainty. It is integrity.

For families navigating questions of authority, responsibility, or readiness to act on behalf of an aging parent, ElderMaze offers clarity before decisions become urgent, and support when they do.

www.eldermaze.com
(412) 486-6677
info@eldermaze.com

The post Urgent Elder Care Decisions: Acting Wisely Before It’s Too Late appeared first on Elder Maze Solutions.

A parent pauses where decisions once came easily. A story is told again, unchanged. A familiar warmth gives way to impatience or withdrawal. Nothing is broken. Nothing is urgent. And yet, something is no longer quite the same.

Most families pay attention to these moments. Not because they are fearful, but because they understand that the most consequential changes in life rarely arrive with spectacle. They arrive gradually, asking not for alarm, but for awareness.

This is where the question of help first emerges, and where it is most often misunderstood.

Understanding Resistance Without Interpreting It as Defiance

Many families approach elder care as a logistical problem to be solved: meals, medications, transportation, safety. When a parent resists help, frustration often follows. Why refuse what is clearly beneficial?

Discerning families pause before asking that question. They recognize that resistance is rarely about the help itself. It is about what accepting help symbolizes.

To accept assistance can feel like conceding authority over one’s own life. It can feel like being reclassified, from capable adult to managed responsibility. For someone who has spent decades providing for others, this shift can be profoundly destabilizing.

Families must  interpret resistance not as obstruction, but as information, an emotional signal that deserves respect, not correction.

Aging Parent Support. Why Timing and Framing Matter More Than Persuasion

Attempts to convince an aging parent often fail not because the argument is weak, but because the framing is wrong.

Most families avoid forcing conversations at moments of stress or embarrassment. They choose times of calm. They speak in terms of partnership rather than protection, support rather than supervision.

They understand that help offered as a reaction to a mistake feels punitive. Help introduced as anticipation feels respectful.

Families need to shape these conversations thoughtfully, to help them introduce support in ways that preserve agency rather than threaten it.

Preserving Autonomy While Introducing Support

A common misconception is that accepting help requires surrendering independence. Many families know the opposite is often true.

• Well-designed support extends autonomy. 
• It reduces friction. 
• It allows energy to be spent on what still brings meaning, rather than on tasks that quietly exhaust.

The question is not whether a parent can continue doing everything alone, but whether doing so still serves their well-being.

Families need to identify forms of support that feel additive rather than diminishing, care that aligns with the parent’s values, habits, and sense of self.

When Safety Concerns Complicate Acceptance

Safety issues introduce urgency, but urgency can harden resistance if handled poorly.

A near fall, a medication error, or a moment of disorientation is frightening for families. For the parent, it may be humiliating. 

• Most families recognize that addressing safety requires delicacy, not alarmism.
• They speak in terms of prevention, not correction. 
• They focus on continuity, not control. 
• They frame adjustments as temporary experiments rather than permanent losses.

Families need to  approach safety planning as stewardship, protecting well-being while maintaining trust, dignity, and choice.

Aging Parent Support. Thinking Beyond the First “Yes”

Acceptance of help is rarely a single decision. It is a process.

A parent may agree to limited assistance while resisting anything that feels like escalation. Most families do not treat this as inconsistency. They understand it as adaptation.

Rather than demanding full acceptance upfront, they think in terms of trajectory. Small agreements. Reversible steps. Ongoing dialogue.

ElderMaze supports families in planning care that evolves naturally, reducing fear by ensuring no decision feels final before it needs to be.

Why Thoughtful Families Seek a Different Kind of Guidance

Families drawn to ElderMaze are not looking to outsource care. They are looking to steward it wisely.

They value guidance that is measured, discreet, and grounded in human understanding. They want support that honors both the parent’s autonomy and the family’s responsibility.

ElderMaze does not position elder care as a problem to be solved, but as a relationship to be navigated with intelligence and care.

This is not transactional support. It is considered guidance for families who believe that how help is introduced matters as much as what help is provided.

Beginning With Trust

Helping an aging parent accept support does not begin with services or schedules. It begins with trust, earned through listening, patience, and respect.

Discerning families do not rush this process. They understand that acceptance follows understanding, not pressure.

For families navigating resistance, concern, or uncertainty around introducing help to an aging parent, ElderMaze offers a place to think clearly, before conversations harden and before opportunities for trust are lost. www.eldermaze.com
(412) 486-6677
info@eldermaze.com

The post How to Get Your Aging Parent to Accept Help appeared first on Elder Maze Solutions.

As parents, it is hard to acknowledge and accept responsibility for how much influence we have over the development of each of our children. Through my work with older clients and their adult children on a daily basis, I am frequently reminded of this influential power over a life time.

Typical Family Dynamics

As a Life Care Manager, I have counseled many adult children who resent their role in caring for their parents at the end of their lives. Not deliberately, of course, Mom and Dad may be doing things that alienate and push adult children away. Adult Children confide that their parents were never there for them when they were younger and now they resent being there for their parent. Parents don’t understand what they did to make the adult child turn away from them. My education and experience as a Registered Nurse, Aging Life Care Manager and mom of three typically leads me back to the parent and the adult child with perceived mistreatment by the parent.

Instead of offering advice to adult children on care of their parent, I decided to instead address the parent themselves with some advice that will benefit both generations over time.

Parenting Warning Signs

Parents whose entire being exists for their children often have unrealistic expectations of their adult children’s duty to them. Are you the parent who calls (text or email) your adult children so often that they ignore your calls? Are you a meddler always offering unsolicited advice?  Is your constructive feedback really just plain criticism? If any of the above sound familiar, treat them as red flags that cannot be ignored. Your goal is a better relationship and, as the parent, you’re in the driver’s seat.

In his book, When Parents Hurt, psychologist and parent Joshua Coleman, Ph.D advises parents in recognizing what they can do to improve the relationship and how to let go of what they cannot. Do you feel validated solely by your role as a parent? Coleman suggests that parents who exists for their children often have unrealistic expectations of their adult children. “It’s particularly difficult for parents who expect their kids to fix emotional problems from their (the parent’s) childhood, by being a shoulder to cry on, a sounding board, a confidant,” he says. Kids generally don’t want that role.

The establishment of an open environment of respect and valuing of your adult child’s lifestyle choices can help set the tone when the adult children need to gather together and help the older adult(s) in the aging process. As I have frequently told my aging clients’ adult children; your mom or dad will consider themselves your parents until the day they die. Your parent most likely modeled and taught you how relationships work, be that healthy or unhealthy. This means it is okay for both you and them to set your own boundaries.

Parents Should Use Gratitude

Dr. Coleman recommends parents can change this relationship by practicing the principles of gratitude; give thanks! The problem is, gratitude doesn’t always come naturally. The negatives in our lives—the disappointments, resentments, and fears—sometimes occupy more of our attention than the positives. Below, I highlight a number of practices for cultivating gratitude:

Count your blessings:

You can do this through mental imagery or writing it down in a diary. This simple practice is effective because it not only helps you remember and appreciate good things that happened with your children in the past; it can also teach you to notice and savor positive events that are currently happening.

Mental subtraction:

In the words of Joni Mitchell, “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.” But sometimes just imagining that something is gone is enough to make you appreciate what you’ve got. Mental Subtraction involves focusing specifically on important relationships, such as those with your children. Although it may be painful to imagine your life without them, doing so once in a while can serve as a reminder not to take that person for granted and may improve your relationship as a result.

Savor:

Ever notice that the first bite of cake is usually the best and then less and less so? Savor your relationship with your children. In the age of smartphones, it’s a common experience to see an entire family together with all their eyes glued to a screen of some type. Really notice your adult children, connect with them without distraction, praise generously; appreciate sincerely.

Say “thank you”:

Gratitude can be especially powerful when it’s expressed to others. Writing a thoughtful, detailed “Gratitude Letter” to your children is a great way to increase your own feelings of gratitude and happiness while also making the adult child feel appreciated and valued. Comment on a specific time you noticed what a great parent your daughter or son is. Tell them how proud you are of your their commendation at work. Each of these can make a huge impact on your relationship.

In the end, we are parents until the day we die. It’s our job to take the high road — even if we’re frustrated by past actions of our children.

None of us is perfect, but we can always check in with ourselves to ask: Is my relationship with my child as good as it can be? What can I do to make it better? The daily practice of gratitude is a great place to start. As a Life Care Manager, our goal is to help heal the entire family unit in whatever way we can.  We have counseled many families in developing more positive ways of healing themselves and their final years of a relationship with their parent.

For more tips on how to improve family dynamics when parents and adult children don’t get along, visit our website today!

The post When Parents and Adult Children Don’t Get Along appeared first on Elder Maze Solutions.

Listed prominently in one of our clients chart and reinforced for all caregivers to see is the note: “If Jane asks where her husband is, tell her he is at the hardware store and will be back soon.” Jane’s response is typically, “I should have known, it’s where he can always be found when not with me.” This response always brings a smile to Jane’s face and many delightful stories associated with the hardware business.

Jane’s husband had owned a hardware store, and even after he sold the business, he could be found visiting the new owners and pursing the aisles. The family’s on-going joke was that they would bury him there. So we helped the family come up with a good Fibit (lies that are therapeutic).

You see, Jane’s husband had passed two years ago, and Jane would frequently forget. Prior to changing our story, every time Jane asked this question the caregivers in her memory unit would respond with the reality, that her husband had passed two years prior. Jane would find this very upsetting, reliving his death and the emotions associated with it, wondering how a loving wife could forget to attend her husband’s funeral, even questioning if it actually happened. There’s really no way to gently tell someone their spouse is dead….whether that death occurred yesterday or ten years ago.

When working with people with Alzheimer’s Disease or to other types of dementia, we offer “stepping into their world and seeing it from the perspective of the person with dementia”. Unless your loved one is in the very early stage of memory loss and wants to be reminded of a date, time or other reality based topic, join their journey rather than force reality on them. Keep this in mind and consider it when determining if a Fibit is right to use with your loved one, as well as what response to use.  

In recommending the use of a Fibit to those with memory issues or cognitive impairments consider two criteria:

1. Does telling the truth increase stress and anxiety?
2. Does the Fibit response alleviate this stress and anxiety; maybe even bring about joy?

Clearly this was effective for our client, Jane; it may not be for everyone. Each situation needs to be evaluated individually. Honesty is one of the best qualities in a human being and most of us shutter at the thought of telling a perceived lie, especially to our parents that embedded the importance of honesty into us. But sometimes, dementia changes the rules and honesty isn’t always the best policy when it causes pain and anxiety.

For more information on living in the world of Alzheimer’s Disease, visit our website today!

In the below video, panelists share differing thoughts during a discussion on Feb. 7, 2019, entitled “Is Dishonesty in Dementia Care Wrong” Angnieszka Jaworska, a philosophy professor at UC Riverside, underscores the importance of respecting a person’s autonomy. Bioethicist David Magnus and Dr. Marina Martin, both at the Stanford School of Medicine, discuss whether the act of lying may cause one to be less honest more frequently. Frankly, I don’t believe this to be a concern if you follow our recommendations for use of a Fibit.

The post Living in the World of Alzheimer’s Disease appeared first on Elder Maze Solutions.

Our Unrealistic Expectations

Untreated hearing loss (i.e. not wearing hearing aids) has been linked to numerous health complications such as diabetes, hypertension, depression, anxiety, and even cognitive decline. However, an estimated 28 million people in the United States experience some type of treatable hearing loss. Yet, less than a quarter of those people seek help to enhance their listening lifestyle.

Why?

One answer is the unrealistic expectation attached to hearing aids: that hearing aids are going to return hearing back to “normal”.  Unfortunately, this is not the case. An individual with hearing loss needs to utilize effective communication strategies in conjunction with hearing aids. Combining the hearing and visual senses sets a hard of hearing individual up for less communication breakdown, positive relationships, and ultimately a better quality of life.

Untreated Hearing Loss Evaluation

You or your loved one should get your hearing evaluated by an Audiologist if you are experiencing any of the following:

• Muffled, mumbled speech sounds
• Trouble understanding when a speaker’s face is unseen
• Difficulty hearing on the telephone
• Difficulty hearing people speak in a crowd (i.e. background noise)
• Trouble understanding the voices of women or children
• Friends or loved ones complaining you turn the volume of your TV or radio too loud

Effective Communication Strategies

Communication is a two-way street. Good communication requires the efforts of at least two people, even when one of them is utilizing hearing aids.

Tips for Communicating with Individuals with Hearing Loss:

• Always face the person you are speaking withMake your mouth visible
• Avoid noisy backgrounds
• Get attention first e.g. “Jim, could you pass the vegetables?”
• Don’t shout. Shouting distorts your face and mouth
• Speak clearly, at moderate pace
• Rephrase if you are not understood and try different words
• Use facial expression and/or gestures
• Be patient if response is slow. Making sense of conversation takes time and is fatiguing
• Stay positive and relaxed

Tips for Communicating as an Individual with Hearing Loss:

• Anticipate difficult situations, plan how to minimize them.
• Pay attention. Watch, listen & concentrate to follow conversation
• Look for visual cues like facial expressions, gestures and body language
• Don’t interrupt. Let conversation flow to gain more meaning
• Admit if you are lost
• Conversation can be tiring. If too tired to concentrate, ask for discussion later

For more information on untreated hearing loss, contact us today!

Kelly Kolonay, AuD obtained her doctorate in Audiology from Pacific University in Portland, Oregon and is currently practicing as a Doctor of Audiology in Phoenix, Arizona. Kelly is passionate about working with the veteran population. She specializes in hearing aids, aural rehabilitation, central auditory processing disorders, and tinnitus management. Kelly is the daughter of Bobbi Kolonay RN MS CCM the owner of Elder Maze Solutions – Options For Elder Care.

The post Untreated Hearing Loss appeared first on Elder Maze Solutions.